New year, new perspective

Here we are, 5 days into 2023…how’s it going? Did you set resolutions, goals, or intentions? Are you still going to the gym or are you craving cookies yet; they are hard to resist! If you are still working on finalizing your goals for 2023 (you’re not alone in that!) let me encourage you to incorporate the 4 pillars of wellness (physical health - sex + relationships - spirituality - career + education). Here are some prompts to consider.

Physical Health

• Improve flexibility.

• Get tested for food sensitivities that cause inflammation.

• Consider taking supplements to support physical and mental health (e.g. omega’s, magnesium, turmeric).

• Replace worn out fitness equipment (e.g. worn shoes, tired exercise bands, the rotting bike tires).

Sex + relationships

• Establish or deepen communication with partner(s) about what turns you on and off sexually.

• Review the values of you as individuals and as partners to see how the align.

• Experiment with some kink play (e.g. light bondage, toys, role playing).

• Create open and ongoing dialogue about non-sexual intimacy satisfaction in all your relationships.

• Restore, create, or amend boundaries.

Spirituality

• Build routines that feed your soul.

• Volunteer, meditate, pray, journal.

• Get outside. Move, get sunshine.

• Call elders that you respect and learn from them.

Career + Education

• Build intentionality in performance goals, whether they are measured by your employer or you.

• Read some books for pleasure.

• Learn a new skill or hobby, take a class at the local community college or education center. (Urban gardening anyone?).

• Reflect on your career goals from 5th grade and where you are now. How did you get there? What’s different? What lessons can you pass onto others?

Looking ahead

I’ve been known to use cars as analogies when working with clients. Here’s another one. When we keep looking to the past we are looking in the rearview mirror. It’s small, it can be deceiving, and offers a limited view of what’s now behind us. But when we look to the future, through the windshield, we have a greater view of what’s ahead. We can maneuver our way through roadblocks, avoid construction zones, and enjoy the scenery along the way.

The same perspective applies to our wellness. When we keep looking backwards we may miss what’s in front of us. I encourage you continue looking ahead as you embrace your total wellness in 2023!

Be Well.

Sarah B.

Food Play in the Bedroom

Have you ever notices the many commonalities between sex and food. Both are nourishing. Both are sensual. Both offer variety. And don’t forget the words used to describe food and sex are often interchangeable!

The interplay of Food Play

This week over in social media (find it here) I’ve been talking about food and sex. Food and sex can be used for pleasure, nourishment, and experimentation. Food play, often refers to sitophilia, is a form of sexual fetishism in which participants are aroused by erotic situations involving food. The phrase can also refer to non-sexual play with food, such as food displays that are decorative or playful, and joy of preparing food. Then there’s the aphrodisiac side of food; foods that purport to increase sexual arousal or pleasure. And if we can believe that a food can increase sexual arousal, then we must also believe that food can decrease sexual arousal. For example, back in Ancient Rome, the Romans believed that lettuce immediately rendered men impotent.

Guidelines for Food Play

If want to incorporate food play into your sex life, here are some basic guidelines to keep it spicy and safe. 

Consent

Have consent from your partner before introducing food. Have the conversation far in advance, talking about the pros and cons of the idea. Ask about foods that are unsavory to your partner or that trigger allergies.

Containment

Keep food away from genitalia. The risk of infections, skin irritations or lost food is too great a risk. Plus there are plenty of food safe erogenous zones above the waist. Only exception would be plain ice.

Check it out

Use foods that invite all the senses. This isn’t just about taste. Use foods that have variety of texture, temperature, and taste. Alternate between sweet and spicy, and warm and spicy.

Contact

Use your mouth. Oral sex isn’t just about mouth to genital contact. Be creative with your mouth as you use food in the safe zones. Lick, suck, nibble. And be sure your mouth is empty of food before moving to the genitalia too.

Create a Plan

Be prepared. Have the food items nearby. Use bedsheets or towels that you don’t mind getting dirty. Have clean up supplies available if necessary. Ideally clean up is part of play (see number 4) but if you need a bit more clean up before moving on, have rags, wipes or the like nearby. And don’t forget the usual preparations of lube and condoms, or toys.

Celebrate

Have fun. Sex is about the pleasure, the experience, the fun. Food play doesn’t have to be intimidating. Start small and as the experience draws you in, expand the foods and play that you welcome into the bed.

Bon Appetit and Be Well!